


I (Don’t) Hate You

by peaceoutofthepieces



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 21:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20495474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peaceoutofthepieces/pseuds/peaceoutofthepieces
Summary: “Hey.”Alex’s looks up at Justin, brow furrowing. “Hey,” he responds hesitantly. They’re still in Monets, and most of their friends are still here. Justin probably isn’t going to start a fight. He might get out what he wants to say in the hopes their audience meansAlexwon’t start a fight. But Alex is pretty sure Justin won’t be the first one to throw a punch.Justin smiles, that perfectly careless Justin Foley smile, and it’s been a while since Alex was on the receiving end of that. The younger boy brandishes a Monets’ cup at him. “I brought you a coffee. On the house.”“You’re...not even working right now,” Alex brow furrows.~^~A little season 3 fix-it fic because I can’t help myself





	I (Don’t) Hate You

“Hey.”

Alex’s looks up at Justin, brow furrowing. “Hey,” he responds hesitantly. They’re still in Monets, and most of their friends are still here. Justin probably isn’t going to start a fight. He might get out what he wants to say in the hopes their audience means _Alex_ won’t start a fight. But Alex is pretty sure Justin won’t be the first one to throw a punch. 

Justin smiles, that perfectly careless Justin Foley smile, and it’s been a while since Alex was on the receiving end of that. The younger boy brandishes a Monets’ cup at him. “I brought you a coffee. On the house.”

“You’re...not even working right now,” Alex brow furrows. 

Justin falters for a second, but then he’s shaking his head. The smile doesn’t return, though. “Okay, so I just bought it for you. I know you finished the menu and I don’t know if you’ve found a favourite so I thought maybe just...starting over.”

“The first thing on the menu is just a latte.”

“Yeah. Well, I added three sugars, so.”

That does gain a slight smile, and Alex takes the cup with a hesitant hand. “Thanks.”

Justin gives him a hopeful look and gestures at the chair across from him. “Do you mind if I, uh. Is it okay if I sit?”

“Ah,” Alex takes on a knowing expression. “So this was a sugary bribe.”

Justin shrugs, smiling again. “Did it work?” Alex waves a hand and Justin’s smile widens. He sits down and crosses his arms on the table, leaning forward. His expression sobers very suddenly, but he sits and watches Alex take three sips of his coffee before speaking. “So, uh. How are you doing?”

“How are you doing?” Alex retorts, and Justin’s jaw twitches. “No I’m not—I’m not deflecting, or anything, I’m asking. At the assembly, was that…” he trails off, isn’t sure what exactly he should ask, or how. 

Justin’s lips part. “Oh. Uhm, yeah. But it’s not...it’s whatever. I’m over it.”

Alex’s brow furrows. “I didn’t really think it was something you just got over.” Justin shrugs, looks away, and Alex thinks he gets it. “I get it if you don’t wanna talk to me about it, I just want to know if you’re like, dealing with it. Have you talked to Jess, at least?” There’s a moment of hesitation, then Justin nods. Alex huffs and takes another sip of his coffee. “I guess she sent you over here?”

Justin scowls at him. “That’s a fucking dumbass question.” Alex only raises his brows. “Do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?”

Alex sinks down in his chair slightly, clenching his jaw. “Well, you’re the good guy now, aren’t you.” He doesn’t voice it like a question, because it’s not. He assumes that’s probably what Justin’s doing. Calling him out for being such a hypocrite. Alex is a worse person than Justin ever was, and it’s a hard pill to swallow. He thinks that’s probably why he’s been so awful to him. Jealousy, yes, and anger, but fear and self hatred and loss. Out of everyone, Justin would surely hate him most, for what he’d done. 

Justin leans towards him again, chest resting against his folded arms. He looks Alex over for a moment, considering. Eventually he says, “I’ve never been the good guy. You were.”

Alex breathes a laugh. “No, I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, you were. That’s why I—I should’ve known something was wrong. I should’ve seen it.”

Alex folds his arms on the table. He takes the lid off his coffee and stirs it around mindlessly, avoiding Justin’s stare. This isn’t really the talk he expected, but he should’ve known. Justin tends to put more energy into hating himself than he does for anyone else. Alex supposes they’re the same, that way. “Well, it’s not like I wanted you to know.”

Justin shakes his head. “I justㅡthat’s not what I mean. I know you asked Tyler for...for a gun. You told us what you were going to do.”

“I told Zach,” Alex corrects, more harshly than he really intended. It’s nothing new, though. He used to this now. Used to being harsh, used to the angry, used to fighting everyone and everything so that for the tiniest moment he’s not fighting himself. He’s used to pushing them away; Justin’s the easiest out of everyone. He’s used to self destruction. 

“Yeah but we were all there,” Justin retorts, not missing a beat. “And we allㅡwe all should have noticed. We should have been paying more attention. I mean, Jessica _knew_ and she still didn’tㅡfuck. Fuck, Alex, I just...we’re really sorry.”

Alex leans forward. “For what? I’m the one whoㅡwho fucking did it. You already hate me. You have every reason to now. Aren’t you happy? I’m a hypocrite, and Jessica’s all yours. Why are you even bothering with this? With me? You have the perfect excuse to never talk to me again. I mean, what are you even doing?”

“I’m trying to fix this.” Alex flinches at the sudden touch on his skin, Justin’s hand settling firmly over his wrist. He brushes his thumb over Alex’s knuckles, white from how tightly he’s clenched his hand into a fist. He forces himself to stop, stretching out his fingers and pressing them to the tabletop. Justin passes his thumb over the skin once more before gripping Alex’s wrist. When Alex looks, he’s staring down at their hands. When he looks up again, his eyes are sad. “I don’t hate you. None of us do. And I know you don’t hate me. You saved my fucking life, Alex. You’re not a bad person. That’s why I should have known.”

He licks his lips before continuing, “All the fighting, IㅡI didn’t even wanna fight back. You know that, right? I’ve just been so...so caught up in my own shit, and I guess it was easier to just go with it than admit it wasn’t right. I should have realised it was like before. Like after the tapes. When you were doing stupid shit with us and you started that fight with Monty. I mean, I should’ve fucking said something to you myself when I found the steroids. But I guess that probably would have made me a hypocrite, so. I’m just sorry. That we allㅡthat I missed it. Again.”

Alex doesn’t want to talk about this. He doesn’t want to talk at all, about anything. But Justin’s still giving him that sad look he’s always had, that he had that day months ago when he was the one that almost killed himself. He’s still holding Alex’s arm, like they’re still friends and he wants to comfort Alex. Like Alex deserves it. But he’s right. They don’t hate each other. “Clay told me that they found them. The steroids. You wouldn’t tell them they were mine.”

Justin shrugs. Smiles slightly. “You would’ve done the same for me. It’s what we do.”

Alex’s chest hurts. He smiles anyway, but it’s weak. Not like Justin’s. “Obviously,” he says. His shoulders hunch forward, his body curling in on itself. “I don’t know how to live with this,” he admits quietly. 

It’s a mistake, because Justin turns instantly sad again. He squeezes Alex’s arm. “I guess you just...do. We all have to. You’re not alone in this. We’ve got you.”

“I think,” Alex hesitates, bites his lip. The last thing he wants to do is cry. “I think my dad knows? I think he knew about all of it. If anyone thought that heㅡthat he was keeping it for meㅡ”

“No one’s going to find out,” Justin cuts him off, strong and sure. “We’re not going to tell anyone, okay? None of us. Your dad won’t either. Right now, you’re safe,” he promises. “We’ll figure out the rest.”

Alex takes a moment to look at him; to look at the eyes he’s so familiar with, sincere and trusting and caring. Of course he’d protect Alex. He’d protect anyone. It’s what they do. “I’m sorry for being such a dick.”

Justin laughs, leaning back in his chair. He lifts his hands just to tap his fingers against the back of Alex’s hand, then he leaves them there. “It’s cool. I mean, I was probably a dick too, so.”

Alex settles his face into a thoughtful expression, before giving a very serious nod. “Yeah, you were.” Justin pinches his wrist in retaliation and Alex smiles. “Seriously though. I think I handled it badly. Like, when I told you you should tell Jessica. I wasn’t hoping it would make her dump you. I knew it wouldn’t. I just thought she’d probably like...look out for you, I guess. It would suck if you did that again when no one was there to save your dumb ass, you know that right?”

“I could say the same to you,” Justin points out. He leans back in, nudging Alex’s chest with his knuckles. “I think we probably have a lot of things we should figure out. You could come stay at mine. Clay can sleep in the main house.”

Alex raises his brows. “Does Clay know you’re making that offer?”

Justin raises his brows back, though he pairs it with an indolent smile. “Does it matter?” Alex bites back a smile, shaking his head at the familiar behaviour. Justin only raps on his chest again. “Come on, Standall. You know you want to.” 

“I could just come over tomorrow,” Alex points out. Justin bites his lip, flicking his gaze away. Alex’s brow furrows. “Okay, there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“No, I...I mean, maybe.” Alex just keeps looking at him until he sighs and admits, “I need to go...sort some of my shit out. The Jensens think rehab is the best idea and I was the one who suggested it so it’s not like I can argue. It’s the only option I have left. We only decided like, really recently. You’re one of the first people I’ve told.”

Alex isn’t entirely sure why he feels so disappointed. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So...you’re leaving.” That’s probably why. “Is that what’s happening? You want to fix things with me so if I fuck myself up more while you’re gone you want have to feel guilty about it?”

Justin reacts like he’s been slapped. “No! No, Alex, that’s not,” he shakes his head. “That’s not what I’m trying to do. Don’t you want things to go back to how they were?”

“Do you really think that can happen? Like, we can just start over like I can start over with the fucking menu? Why do you even want to?”

“That’s not what I want. I’d never want to start over, and like, erase everything. I just want us to feel like _us_ again. I just want us to be okay.”

Alex gives in a little, softening. He’s the only one fucking this up and making things difficult. He wants them to be okay, too. He doesn’t know why he keeps pushing. “I know. I’m sorry. But if it’s your last night, don’t you want to spend it with Clay? Or Jessica?”

Justin shakes his head. “I don’t need to make anything up to them. I need to know before I go that you’ll be here with them when I get back.”

That makes Alex cave completely, but it feels bittersweet. “I don’t want you to be here for a day just for you to disappear again.”

“I’m not,” Justin stresses. “I promise. I’m coming back. I just need to figure some of my shit out and then maybe I can...help you with yours better, or something. You can come visit, I think, if you want to and the Jensens like authorise it or whatever. And Zach and Jessica and Clay are gonna be here. They know to look out for you now because I threatened to kick Clay’s ass if he didn’t and he just looked at me like I was crazy, so.” Alex huffs and Justin lets the smile tugging at his lips form properly. “Plus you’ve got Tyler and Tony and even Charlie’s cool, even if he says stupid shit sometimes. They’ve got you until I come back. Okay?”

“You make it sound like I’m going to be sitting around waiting for you with quite a lot of confidence,” Alex teases. He forgets the last time they were able to do this; poke fun at each other without it turning into something ugly, something angry. He decides he’s probably really fucking missed it. 

Justin shakes his head, only teasing back. “Maybe that’s because I’m pretty confident about it. So, what d’you say? Will you come stay?”

Alex hesitates. Then, “Yes. But only because you’ll whine to your pair therapists about it if I don’t.”

He decides then that it doesn’t matter much how the actual night goes, because this one real, bright smile from Justin is worth it. “Okay,” Justin says, his grin all teeth and dimples. “Cool.”

Then he’s standing up and looking down at Alex expectantly, and Alex only stares back, because what exactly is he expecting? “What are you doing?”

Justin raises a brow. “Hugging you? Come on.”

Alex’s eyes widen and the start of a laugh slips out. “Are you kidding? No.”

Justin’s other brow joins the first. “Either you come up here or I come down there.”

Alex gapes at him, then gives a resigned shake of his head. “I hate you,” he says, pushing himself to his feet. 

“Yeah, so you keep saying,” Justin brushes him off, and it’s clear he doesn’t believe a word.

The hug is nice, though, and Alex sinks into it pretty easily. He catches sight of Jessica and Clay over Justin’s shoulder, still sitting on the couch where he’d spotted them earlier. Jessica smiles when she notices him looking, giving a small nod of approval. Clay gives him a thumbs of. Alex guesses that even if this wasn’t necessarily planned, it was at least discussed. Alex flips them off, but he keeps hugging Justin for a while longer. It won’t fix everything, but he supposes here, next to Hannah’s table, that it’s not a bad place to start.


End file.
